Written by Paul J Bucknell on January, 03, 2019

Ecclesiastes 4:10-12 The Three ‘Ifs’

The Three ‘Ifs’ (Ecclesiastes 4:10-12)

Let’s look at three specific examples that Solomon has provided. These are the three ‘ifs.’ Each of them speaks of a different aspect of genuine support that each of us would wish we had in desperate times. Solomon’s message is simply that if we do not value others and make those commitments early on, then we will not be ready for stressful times. One never knows when that good return will turn up, but we live in the hope of it occurring, not because we already have obtained it.
“For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.”

We never know what the next day will bring. It is so sweet to know that if we go through a difficult time, someone is there for us. When someone heard that my hot water tank flooded my basement, a brother, a very busy brother at that, emailed me and asked if he could help. I can guarantee you that he is not an expert in repairing hot water heaters, but his willingness to help me out was special. He valued the whole situation rather than focusing on his own concerns. Or perhaps, we could better phrase it; he made other people part of his life concern.

Sometimes we might go through a series of hard projects and need someone to pray for us. Sometimes, it might be a rough relationship with another, and you need to talk with someone about it to get perspective. You might be looking for insight into finding a spouse or finding a job. The point is, do you have anyone there? No matter what the circumstance is, have you built friendships in such a way that you could find the help you need. We are thankful that the Lord is there when we go through hard times. Job’s friends were not thinking of him as much as their theological misperceptions. On the whole, however, God works through the body of Christ to build up and strengthen his people. The strength of the people of God is seen in crisis, not in prosperity. Success and money in the bank can never substitute for the value of meaningful, godly relationships.

Be a friend, have a friend!
“Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?”

My wife and I have our bedroom high up on the third floor. By the time the heat reaches that third-floor duct, the heat is not that abundant. We are appreciative of how the two of us can warm each other up. The other night when Linda was sick, she was extra cold. We moved closer together until both of us were nicely warmed up. I don’t think Solomon is only speaking of heat here, though. It serves as an illustration, but of what?

Solomon is simply reaffirming the truth that we have already mentioned. Something more is being generated by the closeness of two individuals in a close-working relationship. When we have a group working as a team, we have ‘something’ special being generated. It is hard to tell what that is at times; but whenever I have worked in a close team with others, whether it be on a church planting project, a team of prayer partners or a group of Sunday School teachers, I see it happening. Extra love, joy, devotion, energy, and insight is produced.

Share and have!
“And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”

The point of Solomon’s illustration is clear. When we have two or more people committed to each other, we have greater protection. We will not be so easily or frequently attacked. The wolf goes after the lone sheep. Although Solomon has been speaking of couples, he says in the last phrase, “A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” The more support, the better. This is true for protection but also for companionship, joy and other things.

I am glad the idea of accountability partners has become popular. There are some things we need to be careful of when having this, but on the whole, these relationships lead us in the right direction. It is basically two or more individuals (accountability group) that get together and frankly share what they have specifically done or not done in the past week. Whether they are brothers or sisters doing it (within their own gender), they find special protection and help.

Care and be cared for!

A Look at our Lives

Relationships are important. People are important. Yes, you can get somethings done better without the fuss and time of people and their individual preferences. But in the end, you are saying a lot of what you believe and who you are by the way you associate with others.

Some of us are people-persons. We are energized by being engaged in relationships. Others are task-oriented, and relationships are very tedious. We, in fact, need each other no matter what our makeup. If for no other reason, it eliminates the driven attitude of a cancerous independent spirit. For such an attitude, in the end, will condemn us. Let me close by asking some questions and making a few comments.

If you have not consciously built friendships with those around you, including with your spouse, then you will not have them when you need them. You will not be prepared for the crisis, and one day you will discover how things cannot fulfill you. When you see your life setting under the sun, it will have gone by, and there will be nothing that remains.
The way you play the game is more important than the game itself. What if you are a goal-oriented person and don’t inherently value relationships? The goal-oriented person will not naturally think much of building relationships. Everyone likes friends, but goal-oriented people can easily ignore this need in their lives. Generally speaking, women tend to be better at building meaningful relationships while men tend more to prefer performing and accomplishing tasks. Men typically think much of their work and are not very aware of the needs of the people or situations about them. Husbands typically think they have better marriages than their wives do. Those who are goal-oriented need to make relationships a priority. It might be like driving a car at first–very awkward. Each step will be difficult. “Do I need to call someone and ask for help? Doing so will open up the opportunity for God’s people to love one another, and God will certainly bless such a person’s humble action.

We first must learn to avoid cultivating only ‘polite’ relationships. There is a better kind of relationship which we may pray and work towards. Second, we need to see if there are offenses have been made and seek reconciliation. Third, we need to see what common purpose God has given you to work together with others. Lastly, remember that you need the input of others. Even if it is different, keep asking where and how God may use others to compensate for your weaknesses. Everyone is important.
When we study the life of Jesus, we find that the ablest and spiritual One chose to work closely with and through others. He made a costly commitment to involve others in building God’s kingdom. We must too. But unless we believe that there will be a greater good that comes from the strong interpersonal relationships in doing God’s bidding, then we will not make the deep effort to build those relationships. Our faith in God’s promises and directives need to shape our decisions.

• What kind of relationships have you built? Have you built a solitary life or established true friendships?
• Do you have an independent spirit? How can you break through?
• How can we build trust in our relationships so they become real and not phony?
• How did Jesus live out His life: as an independent or as a coworker?

Many swallow the lie that a greater good comes from keeping isolated and independent, rather than endure the hard labor of forging intimate relationships. One might think focusing on your goals is the only way to graduate or get ahead. You might have been scarred by past experience or never known good relationships in your family. That is most unfortunate. But God can change this, so that you might experience God’s good principle as demonstrated by the life of Christ.
If you are the goal-oriented kind of person, you need to stop in your tracks and ask God to help you carefully evaluate your situation. Most people that forge ahead with their plans are very insensitive to others. More than likely, you have hurt many people around you. Now is the time to straighten things out.

• What relationships have you burned? Have you sought reconciliation?

You might, for example, tell others that God is working in your heart and confess that you tend to be insensitive to others and might, in fact, have hurt people while trying to achieve your goals. Tell them you are now trying to mend those relationships. Then ask if you have somewhere along the line been insensitive to them. When you humbly show people your quest to change, then people are more willing to open up and be honest. When is it time to do that? Now!
You might have been the victim of another person’s insensitivity. It might have happened when a person seemed so kind and helpful, but later you were rejected by him, and your contribution was ignored or stolen. You got no extra compensation for your extra work. These are difficult times. Let me make a few suggestions.

• What if you are burned by others?

Pray for and learn to love your enemies. The person who uses you still needs to be loved. He is blinded by darkness. God wants to use you to show that person God’s love, so you can trust the power of God to guide you as you do.

Never doubt your contribution. If you have worked hard, it should be because God has called and enabled you to do a certain task. God will reward you as when He sees fit. It might not be until after this life that you see that reward, but faithfulness is faithfulness, and God loves that. Trust Him with that, and do not allow yourself to shrink back from the hard work that is proper for you to do.

Learn from this. Before you rent an apartment or get a job, ask people how it is to live there with that landlord or work under that person. You may prevent yourself from extra pain by doing this. In fact, you should pray and look for a position that treats people nicely and deals honestly. The process is as important as the task.

Conclusion

Two are better than one.

By committing to treasure and learn from people around you, you become a special conduit of God’s love and wisdom to others. Working together produces many things that we would never be able to plan for or accomplish otherwise.

Relationships are important. People are important. Yes, you can get some things done better without the fuss and time of people and their individual particularities, but in the end, you show what you believe by the way you associate with others.

Some are people-persons. They are energized by others. Others are task-oriented. Relationships get very tedious. We, in fact, need each other no matter what our makeup. If not for any other reason, it is to eliminate that chase of the cancerous independent spirit for this, in the end, would surely condemn us.