Written by Paul J Bucknell on March, 29, 2025

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, Love Your Wives

THE BIBLE TEACHING COMMENTARY

Love is not merely a command for husbands but a transformative process that reflects Christ’s love and sanctifies both partners in marriage. Practical examples and reflections highlight the beauty of God’s design for marital relationships.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ²⁶ so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. ²⁸ So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; ²⁹ for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of His body.

The man, captivated by his new-found love, finds his future wife to be the most exquisite creature on earth. In a sense, he is correct. Nothing can make a man feel more exuberant than having his beautiful, endearing partner by his side. But if love came so naturally and easily, why would Paul use only this one command to instruct husbands? It’s because, as delightful as our wives can be, they are not always that way.

This command for husbands should serve as a guiding principle, to provide constant, faithful, and loving care for their wives. These will serve as our three main points. God’s command enlivens the husband to look beyond himself to God’s great guidance.

1. A Constant Love

“Husbands, love your wives” (Eph 5:25).

God’s command to husbands empowers them to strengthen their commitment to love their wives unconditionally. This principle is the backbone of a great marriage, consistently guiding us in the right direction.

Paul is ultra clear in the brevity of this command. He sets forth only one exhortation for husbands: to love their wives. He addresses husbands and focuses on each husband’s responsibility to demonstrate agape love toward his wife. Yes, God created women to be helpmates, but men, at times, will be bothered, troubled, and disappointed in their wives. It’s then that this command shines like a beacon of light, guiding us on the right course of action.

However, let’s be clear. The apostle doesn’t exhort husbands to “love your wives” because it is easy but because, at times, they are not so lovely, precious, and easy to love. This might lead to contradictory thoughts, “You are so special!” and “How did I ever marry you?”

Husbands, or future husbands, must prepare their hearts to show their commitment to love their wives, regardless of the stage of life, the time of the month (referring to a woman’s physical and emotional changes), and the difficulties, distractions, and pressures they face. The wedding vows help the husband process this commitment.

Husbands and wives must prepare to undergo an ongoing perfecting, sanctifying, and lifelong transformation—until we see Him and become as He is (1 John 2:1-3). If you believe things improve with age, it’s not so straightforward. Seniors face a variety of additional challenges. While husbands and wives may have grown spiritually, that development now needs to address an oncoming freight train of unexpected and unwelcome frailties that can leave wives feeling less secure, anxious, fearful, or perhaps prideful. Each heated disagreement evokes memories that one’s Christian maturity has not yet fully developed, necessitating continued growth into the image of Christ.

These life challenges bring fresh encounters with the demands of this command for husbands to love their wives. Husbands must plan to continue showing love. Despite our prayers, we shouldn’t expect it to get easier. Instead, by God’s grace, we prepare to pour out unceasing and unlimited doses of Christ-exemplifying, Spirit-filled love to our wives—despite the challenges we personally face. Our wives will continue to experience various stages of life that require a more refined love, allowing us to delight in them as God’s wonderful gift to us.

2. A Faithful Love

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Eph 5:25).

God’s command also assures us that loving our wives through the most challenging times is the best course of action, regardless of our initial thoughts. This faithful love helps us overcome all the challenges we are or will face.

Our wives are a most beautiful gift from God to us. Let’s never forget it. Let’s contemplate how Christ loved the church. Paul is not questioning whether Christ loved the church; every genuine Christian understands that the entire Gospel is built on the foundation of His unwavering love for His not-so-lovely people. Paul articulates this with the following words: “and gave Himself up for her,” referring to Jesus’ death on the cross. He died for their sins so they, sinners, could become His children.

Jesus, innocent and righteous, died for sinful and guilty people. The depth of His love is demonstrated through His willingness to deny Himself for the undeserving. He valued His mission to love the church over protecting His immediate self-interests. What a challenge!

“Husbands, love your wives” (Eph 5:25)

Husbands should elevate their love for their wives to Christ’s level. They must devote themselves to their wives and cherish them as God’s incredible, wonderful gift. Their mission must take precedence over immediate personal desires. It is in this context that Paul challenges husbands to love their wives.

Men spend their early years of marriage attempting to understand why their wives are not like them. They recognize these differences but may attribute them to physical, emotional, or spiritual inferiority. However, it often takes a long time for most men to realize that women are not only different externally but also internally. God designed them differently!

Times of exhilaration will quickly be overshadowed by the wife’s unwilling, cantankerous, and critical spirit if the man does not embody the spirit of love. Men should recognize that God uniquely created woman, distinct from man. He fashioned her through a different process for a specific purpose (Gen 2:21-22). This broader missional difference should encourage husbands to treasure their wives better. The enjoyment of understanding God’s wisdom in the women’s design begins here.

3. An Endearing Love

God’s command points to His unique design and purpose for the two to become one. Something greater is present, and a husband’s love for his wife flushes that purpose out. This heartfelt love enhances a couple’s shared affection, creating a profound reservoir for God’s love.

Just consider that the Lord designed, created, and sustains a fully functioning being to be by the husband’s side. She is a powerful, soft, beautiful, wonderful, and unimaginable gift from God. As God’s complete creation, she is not given as a slave but as a support—“a helper” (Gen 2:18). Her gifts, unique design attributes, and spirituality enhance the husband in his pursuits, including the essential roles of bearing and nurturing children (Gen 1:28).

I do not mean to demean or promote one gender over another. Still, this ongoing observation and appreciation of our wife’s special features helps remind the husband of his need for her.

This occurs at the gift level. For instance, my wife’s gifts provide unique functions and efficiency in running our home. My wife enjoys administration, while I merely tolerate it. Her gift of hospitality has enhanced our service as missionaries and pastors. We could invite engaged couples over for a meal, allowing them to observe and experience a couple working together and connect with the service of others. Of course, it also served the purpose of getting to know them personally.

I haven’t mentioned my profound delight in my ‘Eve.’ Linda is the mother of our eight children; now we have nine grandchildren. It’s not only her reproductive abilities but also her compassion and care that made all of this happen. God made us work wonderfully together. How marvelous!

As I love my wife, she opens up before God, displaying the full glory God has given her. If I refuse to love my wife, I will cast her on her own, victim to the evil one’s temptations; she will be like a dying blossom ripped from the plant. She is designed to thrive in her husband’s love.

Here are some wonderful traits I find in my wife. They are like a bonus, though some seem trivial. I write them down because of their complementary power. Some husbands have such abilities; that’s fine. I only mention these so all husbands can better recognize the essence of goodness in the wife God has given to us.

My wife notices wrinkles in sheets or clothes that I would never see. (She also does her best to eliminate them.)
My wife is a superb prayer partner with whom I intercede daily.
My wife magnifies love for our many family members, carefully remembering their birthdays and anniversaries.
My wife skillfully organizes all the kitchen activities, creating nourishing meals.
My wife values organization and cleanliness far more than I do.
My wife’s company delights me in all sorts of varied situations.
My wife can help me think through complex situations, including what the Bible might mean or teach.
My wife is amazingly built to grow, give birth to, and nurture our children.

This list goes on! Though I understand gifting and interests differ, we men must stand back and continually be amazed like Adam was—“Wow!” (A slight paraphrase of Genesis 2:23). Only after time and many situations do we see this fantastic complementary nature, being a helpmate, that God designed her to be.

When I reflect on her fabulous contributions—her physical companionship, her emotional insights, and godly devotion—I become increasingly amazed by God’s glorious design and His choice to honor me with her friendship. She is a true gift from God. This perspective enables me to love and care for her more effectively.

Many of these features can only be enjoyed and appreciated when we have peace with one another. The husband and wife are not enemies but united as one. With this backdrop of love and acceptance, couples can flourish richly in their marriage. Many couples associate the joy of marriage with wealth and exotic travel. Please do not tarnish or distort the beauty of marriage by linking it to indulgence and extravagance. Holding hands under a moonlit sky in one’s backyard is as rewarding as relaxing on a beach in Thailand. It’s not the situation that fosters love but our willingness to embrace the challenge of always cherishing and loving our wives despite life’s obstacles and difficulties.

Summary

God has given us wives to demonstrate His amazing love. As husbands, we must engage deeply with God to better understand Christ’s love, which is the foundation for how we cherish our wives. We should not threaten, hit, shun, get angry with, or berate them; instead, we should treasure them as God’s unique gift that enriches our lives and multiplies our rewards during our brief time on earth. He works through our wonderful wives to accomplish His purposes for us that we could never achieve without them. I’m at my best when she is by my side, in both good times and bad. I have come to cherish God’s design! Don’t let hard times interfere with this remarkable discovery process of God’s special gift found in our wives.

Furthermore, our rich ongoing love as husbands deepens and enriches our wives, like a washing agent God uses to accelerate their sanctification process. If you hesitate about giving that extra touch of love, expressed through a bouquet of flowers, a sweet whisper, or a gentle act of patience, choose to stick with love. Go the extra mile and bestow upon her the love that God has shown you in Christ. God is Spirit and uses us as husbands to manifest His love in this weary world.

Major Themes

Constant Love: Husbands are called to demonstrate unwavering, unconditional love for their wives, despite challenges, aligning their commitment with God’s guidance and the principle of agape love.
Faithful Love: Husbands must emulate Christ’s sacrificial love for the church, prioritizing their wives’ well-being over personal desires and maintaining love through life’s difficulties.
Endearing Love: This love involves recognizing and cherishing the unique qualities of wives as God’s gifts, enhancing marital unity and spiritual growth.

Bible Study Questions on Ephesians 5:25

^“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” (Eph 5:25).

Who is Paul addressing in Ephesians 5:25?
Where does the concept of husband and wife originate?
The first part of Ephesians 5:25 is a command. What is that command?
What does the rest of Ephesians 5:25 consist of?
What makes the command easy or difficult?
What do you think is the reason Paul gave this command to husbands?
How can husbands improve their lives to fulfill this command? Be practical.
Explain how Christ loved the Church. Is this expected or unexpected?
How does Christ’s love practically affect the husband?
In light of this verse and marriage, how would you define love? (Feel free to provide a list of synonyms.)