Written by Paul J Bucknell on November, 04, 2024

Matthew 6:14-15 Why is it so hard to forgive? Part 3

If forgiveness were so spontaneous and effortless, Jesus would not have needed to add these explanatory words in Matthew 6:14-15. Jesus adds these motivating words because He knows how difficult forgiving is.

“¹⁴ For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” (Mat 6:14-15)

Jesus’ words motivate us to obey. Verse 14 promises rewards, while verse 15 addresses the increased difficulties we will find when we refuse to forgive.

Both are meant to provide extra motivation to move us into the areas of blessing. In the Old Testament, God frequently called His people to obedience, yet they often resisted. Our souls cry out, “Why are they so stubborn in their disobedience?” This is an integral part of the Old Testament and New Covenant.

Jesus went through some very strenuous times. Many of them are rooted in the battles to forgive His offenders.

“For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted” (Heb 2:18).

“For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin” (Heb 4:15).

Considering these words and the many difficult situations Jesus faced—all required forgiveness. It’s much easier to minimize those offenses—“Oh, it doesn’t matter.” But Jesus was perfect and deserved no judgment, rejection, spitting in the face, betrayal, etc. As the Son of God, He decided to imitate His Father, who was full of grace and truth (Ex 34:6). Jesus became an encouraging model for His disciples. Jesus’ first words of the prayer, “Our Father…” accentuate Jesus’ priority of representing His Father. As His children, we need to do the same, endure hardship (Heb 4:15), and forgive others.

I will first discuss the problems in verse 15.

This is the third of a three-part series on Finding Forgiveness.

Part 1: Introduction to Finding Forgiveness (Matthew 6:12,14-15)
What is Forgiveness? (Mat 6:12)

Part 2: Why is forgiveness so crucial? Matthew 6:12, 14-15

Part 3: Why is it so hard to forgive? Matthew 6:14-15 (Continues below.)

(1) The Problems of Being Unforgiving (Mat 6:15)

Jesus anticipated many difficulties with the words in His prayer: “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” He knew this area of forgiveness would be the most challenging for His disciples because people would mistreat them. The same issue applies to us as His disciples: “Will we forgive them?” This is the reason we need to guard our relationships constantly.

So what is so hard about forgiving? You have been there, haven’t you? I stated earlier that forgiveness (i.e., horizontal forgiving) is quickly given with a few words. It’s immediate and doesn’t usually cost money (unless we stole from them—restitution). It takes a significant load off our shoulders since we no longer need to be concerned about their wrongdoing. God is the Judge.

Why did Jesus add these verses? He knows that we will face significant temptations not to forgive. Forgiving others is a situation that should never take place; people are unjust, wrong, rude, etc. They go against God’s law of love, and our flesh rebels against the mistreatment. Besides this surface reaction, the evil one exploits such situations, shouting, “He doesn’t deserve forgiveness!” “Teach him a lesson.”

Temptation

Satan takes advantage of our wounds by tempting us not to forgive and instigate hurtful actions. Temptations are typically half-truths. For example, we might hear accusatory statements fly through our minds, looking for a place to land. These are temptations from the evil one seeking to frustrate our offer of forgiveness.

“They deserve the worst!”

“They don’t deserve to be forgiven!”

“You should teach them a lesson!”

The truth is that the person is wrong and deserves judgment, so we try to right things. But, as Jesus teaches us, as God’s children, we must emulate our Father and show mercy and grace instead.

In this spiritual battle, we must use the truth to guide our responses correctly. It’s okay to acknowledge one’s pain and the other’s wrong, but we must, in obedience, forgive, trusting God tosults. The faster we forgive, the better, but we must process several issues before we can forgive. This is why care for the re excellent practical theology and knowledge of the scriptures help Christians grow. Let me list some foundational truths.

Jesus asks us to forgive wholly and consistently.
We must entrust the situation to God so He will act appropriately in His time since He is the Judge.
Even though we are offended, we defer from returning judgment.
We acknowledge what we lost, including wealth, pain, betrayal, position, reputation, etc, and entrust our losses to the Lord.
People have broken God’s law of love and become indebted to us, placing us in a unique place with the authority to forgive them.
We forgive them completely.

If we can’t resolve one or more issues, we usually hold off forgiving, causing further problems in our relationships. This is where the evil one cleverly takes advantage of our weaknesses. Satan gives alternative advice that seems right (they don’t deserve mercy) but misses God’s grace in his redemptive plan—the truth.

The Redemptive Era

When Jesus forgave, He did so because He carried out God’s grace and mercy. (We are focusing on the horizontal level right now.) When someone with wrong motives attacks a person, in return, he instinctively seeks revenge. But Jesus came to save at His first coming, withholding His judgment and distributing grace.

“¹⁶ For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him” (John 3:16-17).

God’s purpose in sending His Son was not to judge the world but to save it! As His children, we must join Him in this same mission. Indeed, the one who acted unlovingly towards us doesn’t deserve forgiveness, but that does not mean we should not give forgiveness. Satan’s little devils love to hop over sound, biblical thinking and agitate our flesh.

(2) The Reward of Forgiving (Mat 6:14)

Forgiveness is hard, but it brings many rewards. By withholding judgment, Jesus showed His mighty love and forgiveness. It’s incredible; our lives need to retell this same love to a world lost in darkness. Let me list some advantages of forgiving!

We find forgiveness. Jesus speaks openly that we gain forgiveness as we forgive. Gaining His forgiveness is of great importance and brings relief to our souls. We don’t want to go through years wondering if we are forgiven.
We make the most of the opportunities to shower forgiveness on others. As God's peacemakers, we can forgive those who offended us, removing the barriers that the evil one props up.
We find peace and harmony with God and man. If we keep a complete sweep of bitterness from our lives, we remain harmonious with God and others. This does not mean that others will particularly begin to like us or even forgive us for our wrongs. Barriers from our side are removed, enabling us to pass on loving gestures.
When we forgive, we announce God’s powerful grace (i.e., kingdom) and radiate His love and light. The kingdom of God displays itself most radically when we forgive others and show people what mercy and grace look like. Forgiveness never overlooks sin but deals with it in the power of the cross.
Healing starts with love. Bitterness weighs us down, but love overcomes wrongs. Addressing relationship issues swiftly is vital for many childhood traumas to avoid long-term effects. Forgiveness sparks healing; without it, we remain unreconciled. Pain increases when we don't forgive, nurturing one’s wounds due to past injuries.
Forgiveness helps us rethink our perspectives of these past relationships.

Without forgiveness, we have no reward and only troubles.

Double-checking Our Theology

Some people wonder how biblical this advice is. With Jesus’ explanatory notes in 14-15, this shouldn’t be a problem. Let me list some concerns, though.

We follow Jesus’ teaching and example of forgiving! He instructed us, and as His disciples, we follow. We can’t get more biblical than this!
The theology of the Gospel is found in forgiveness. We insistently proclaim the Gospel with our lips and lives because we live in the age of grace and love.
A forgiving spirit gives evidence that we are His children. An unwillingness to forgive shows otherwise. Are you saved? As His children, we must carry this unique family resemblance of our Father and His Son, Jesus. If not, perhaps we are not believers but of the world.
Salvation is by grace. Don’t be confused. Forgiveness is not a work to be saved by; it is only a confirmation of our sonship through faith in Christ.
God lives out His mercy and grace in the lives of His children.
Jesus makes it untenable to follow Him and not forgive others. He would instead have you stand outside the door of His grace, contemplating the nature of forgiveness and awakening to its importance.
Without forgiving others, we cannot testify to God’s amazing grace. Perhaps this is why our evangelism and discipleship attempts have often failed.
Any attempt to build Christianity without love at its heart, evidenced in forgiving others, becomes an imitation of the genuine thing.
Every individual must evaluate their lives for their forgiving spirit, as Jesus points out here.
Reconciliation begins at the heart level, where our pride and esteem crumble before the true nature of salvation’s grace.
As we return to a more straightforward theology, we, His children, will further reflect our Father.
Revival is linked to how God’s people newly appreciate God’s incredible forgiveness granted in Christ. This grace melts down pride and enables them to forgive others.
While we can approach reconciling parties and reach some merger or agreement, nothing is rightly settled until each party sees their sins and, from that, is willing to work with each other.

It’s crucial to work through our theology and questions so that we can immediately forgive. It’s not easy to work through them after we have been offended, for then we can become misfocused on those who wronged us instead of the truth of God’s grace found in Christ.

Some Tips on Forgiving

It’s good to work through other questions that are commonly stirred up.

What happens if I haven’t forgiven someone? It’s time to forgive!
Although it’s not spoken here, often both sides have done wrong. Each side should apologize and offer forgiveness.
But I have become somewhat bitter and haven’t forgiven many people. What do I do? Where do I start? List everyone that comes to your mind. Start forgiving each other and state to yourself and God how this or that was wrong. While acknowledging your pain, because of God’s grace in Christ, you now wholly forgive that person.
Expect opportunities (70x7) (Matt 18:22). We should prepare to forgive people as they offend us daily.
Don’t wait for another to ask for forgiveness. Just forgive!
Rethink what a Christian is. Being a Christian is not what church you belong to but, as God’s child, how you forgive as He forgives.
Always, instantly, and fully forgive.
Clean up all past “accounts” now!
Ask for forgiveness from the Lord for your disobedience.
Follow the Spirit’s leading and make apologies as necessary.

“Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity” (Col 3:13-14).

Jesus taught every believer this basic kingdom principle of forgiveness in the Lord’s Prayer. It’s time we follow it.

Summary

Jesus does not allow us to squirm out of our unforgiving and unreconciled lives easily. He doesn’t care if you are a pastor, elder, deacon, or longstanding member of a conservative Christian church. Do you forgive? We quickly proclaim forgiveness from our pulpits, but what good is it if we don’t follow Jesus’ example and forgive individuals? Have we escaped the evil one’s clutches?

Forget trying to see how Jesus’ charge connects with your theology. Train yourself to obey.
This practical application of instant forgiveness is built on God’s abounding love, grace, and mercy. He will forgive us of any offense. So, we ought to forgive others.
Our Heavenly Father is concerned about meeting our daily needs and spiritual welfare.
His kingdom expands as we live out Christ’s life, especially His mercy and grace.
If our lives do not express this radiating spirit of forgiveness, more deeply rooted problems exist. If we don’t understand these basics of salvation, God’s grace, and mercy, we might not have yet met the risen Lord Jesus.

Questions For Matthew 5:12-15

Why do you think Jesus added the words of forgiveness after the Lord’s Prayer?
Do you have some that you have difficulty forgiving? Who? Why?
What excuses do people come up with to avoid forgiving others?
What excuses most often come to your mind?
Have you ever considered the excuses that come to mind as temptations from the evil one? Explain.
How does Jesus’ command to forgive others with His redemptive purpose?
Aren’t we, as believers, forgiven? Yes, but how do you reconcile Jesus’ statement with Matthew 6:14-15?
What tips on forgiveness help you the most and why?
List any people you have yet forgiven. Develop follow-up steps to fulfill Jesus’ command this coming week.

Other Articles by Paul J. Bucknell on Forgiveness

What is forgiveness? - Biblical Foundations for Freedom

What are the 7 steps to forgive? 1. Identify your offenses needing forgiveness. 2. Acknowledge the hurt and pain. 3. Pass the burden of revenge on to God.

Matthew 6:12,14-15 Finding Forgiveness

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Seven steps for seeking forgiveness: 1) Identify offenses and 2 ...

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Seeking forgiveness, apology - Biblical Foundations for Freedom

What are the 7 steps to forgive? 1. Identify your offenses needing forgiveness. 2. Acknowledge the hurt and pain. 3. Pass the burden of revenge on to God. 4.

Seven steps for seeking forgiveness: 3) Dealing with revenge

God claims only He should take revenge. "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath [of God,] for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I ...

Beginning of bitterness and Importance of Forgiveness

Seeking forgiveness. 5. Ask God to comfort you. 6. Make restitution when possible. 7. Show thankfulness to God and others.

Replacing Marital Bitterness with Forgiveness

Great marriages have eliminated all the resentment that stems from bitterness and keep it this way. A forgiving spirit is able to destroy the most terrible ...

Genesis 50:15-26: Grace to Freely Forgive

Genesis 50:15-26: Grace to Freely Forgive shows through the true life story how Joseph was able to freely forgive his brothers even when he was in position ...

Consequences for not forgiving - Biblical Foundations for Freedom

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