Written by Paul J Bucknell on November, 02, 2024

Matthew 6:12, 14-15 Why is forgiveness so crucial? Part 2

This is the second of a three-part series on Finding Forgiveness. 

Part 1: Introduction to Finding Forgiveness (Matthew 6:12,14-15)
            What is Forgiveness? (Mat 6:12)

Part 2: Why is forgiveness so crucial? Matthew 6:12, 14-15 (Continued below.)

Part 3: Why is it so hard to forgive? Matthew 6:14-15

The Importance of Forgiveness (Mat 6:12)

Part 2 of Finding Forgiveness

We have already identified why forgiving someone is so important. The portion of grace we receive from the Lord is proportional to what we give. If we don’t forgive, God will not forgive us. 

When we convince ourselves that we are doing right when we don’t forgive, we deceive ourselves. We are as wrong as the person who did wrong to us!

However, I want to show why Jesus points this out and insists on it. This is one of Jesus’s commands and perfectly matches how He treated us and the love He expects us to exemplify and pass on.

If you have been involved in or now in one of these “I’ll get you back” mentalities, I hope you can admit to how it wears you down. It tears us down in two ways:

(1) We are unforgiven; God’s abounding grace is withheld from being poured into our lives. We are bitter, sour, ugly, and unprofitable for service. We can pretend all is normal, but if you took your spiritual test tubes out and measured your quality of life, it would be way down. The ugliness fills us instead of the Holy Spirit.

(2) Unforgiveness also contaminates our relationships. We are constantly at war with others: being grouchy,  critical, not sleeping well, having many evil thoughts, etc. Instead of loving the people around us, we treat them badly. We live not by love but by the flesh, handling life as we see it. We daily identify with Satan’s accusations, “He doesn’t deserve forgiveness.” “How might you get back at him? He deserves the worst, you know.”

Whether you agree or not,  forgiving others is the Christian’s ABCs. You accept Jesus’ command to forgive, or you will suffer—along with those around you. Instead of a Spirit-filled believer, you remind others what they should not be like. Our giftedness, leadership, or participation do not substitute for the foundational principle of love. Without forgiveness, we are broken vessels, those He refuses to work through.

Without forgiveness, relationships are ruined, and the church suffers. Without forgiveness, we cannot embark on our journey of love. Marriages primarily turn sour because of the unwillingness to forgive.

Characteristics of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a powerful element of love. One Chinese word for forgiveness, 饒恕, helps us begin to understand its characteristics. Three radicals comprise the Chinese character.

• Female: With gentleness, subtlety (top left)
• Mouth: With words (top right)
• Heart: With the heart (bottom)

Don’t these three aspects wonderfully describe forgiveness? We treat others kindly, despite their mistreatment or scorn, saying (using our mouths), “I’m sorry” or “Please forgive me,” and do it from our hearts or will. We sometimes cannot say this aloud, as people are unwilling to hear it, but we forgive them in our hearts.

Unfortunately, some people allow their words to differ from their hearts. They might say they forgive, but in their hearts, they say, “I’ll never forgive him for shaming me.” Instead, our hearts and mouths must agree and confess. We must be more concerned with our relationship than looking virtuous before another. Forgiveness must be done kindly, expressing one’s forgiving words with a genuine and aligned heart. (We will look more at the difficulty of doing this in the last point.)

Forbearance and Long-suffering

Forgiving others is demanding work, requiring constant determination to display God’s mercy. According to verse 12, forgiveness is instant and immediate. As we forgive, our hearts are at rest, beyond the reach of the evil one. We can continue building up and strengthening God’s kingdom by loving those who mistreat us. This is powerful. This is how we thwart Satan’s accusations and build up our forbearance and the ability to forgive quickly. (This is an essential quality for leadership.)

I saw a picture of a missile launched from Israel’s Iron Dome intercepting an incoming rocket from Lebanon (i.e., Hezbollah). This serves as a great illustration of how the believer must intercept each act of aggression with love and forgiveness. If the missile is intercepted, it does very little damage, if any. If it gets through, it can do lots of damage, depending on where it lands. Our rocket interceptor is our forgiving words, completely diminishing the trouble the evil one wants to stir up. It’s that easy and quick (but not so expensive!).

This picture shows two other missiles coming in from the left. It reminds us of Paul’s advice for the Christian: “In addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one” (Eph 6:16). We constantly need to be vigilant.

Satan’s accusations are attempts to discharge us of our duty of forgiveness. By turning our minds towards the hurts we received, rude remarks, abusive comments, treacherous words, insulting verbal assaults, etc., we become unwilling to forgive. This is the evil one’s assault so he can better conduct his strategy, building on the resulting hate to stir up all sorts of friction between us. 

However, our faith and forgiveness can extinguish the devil’s flaming missile. Our quick, silent forgiveness instantly deflects the wrong. We can pray, “He hurt me, but I forgive him.” We don’t wait for people to ask for forgiveness. They should, but it might not ever happen. Instead, we break the stranglehold with a simple statement. “Lord, that person spoke disrespectfully and slandered me, but I forgive him.” It might happen numerous times, but you know what the Lord says, “seven times seventy.” Just like Jesus, we never stop forgiving. “Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Mat 18:22).

This intercepting action called forgiveness can counter all the tribal and family animosities built up over the years. No matter how fierce the offense is, it can be dismissed. The habit of instantly dealing with it does not dismiss its importance but makes God’s mercy and grace shine brightly in dismal situations. Offering forgiveness minimizes the incident from hurting your friendship and gives you the best chance for an ongoing harmonious relationship. 

This is why becoming a Christian changes our lives and relationships, as Jesus suggests in verse 12. It’s amazing. However, it might need some time to work through the many unforgiving situations we are involved in. I was raised in a family with several divorces and fierce conflicts. Before marriage, the Lord graciously allowed me to forgive my family members, especially my parents. The forgiveness came with many tears, but once I forgave, my heart was free to love those who hurt me.

What kind of marriage do you want? What type do you have? Offering forgiveness instantly makes a tremendous difference. Many of you are making exceptions and quietly debating my words here, but as we discuss verses 14-15, we will come to that. Satan enters such situations, wanting to prolong the offenses and bitterness. He gives us exceptions as ammo: “I’m no doormat.” “I don’t deserve to receive such treatment!” “She’ll never get my love after that!” 

Jesus leaps over the heap of wrongs by forgiving others. We, too, can shift into the world of love and expand God’s kingdom of light by forgiving others as He has forgiven us. Forgiveness is part of our new ethos in Christ and the basis of a miraculous Christian culture.

We often lack the faith to forgive, but Jesus knows this and adds verses 14-15 to motivate us to obey and have freedom. 

Matthew 6:12 Study questions (Part 2)

1. Why would you say forgiveness is so important?
2. What is an “I’ll get you back” mentality? Suggest ways it wears down a person.
3. Why is it so important to accept Jesus’ command to forgive?
4. What are the three components of the Chinese character for forgiveness (恕), and how do each represent a needed Christian grace?
5. So what happens when a person superficially forgives but does not forgive in the heart? Why might a person do this?
6. Why is offering forgiveness so difficult? 
7. What does an intercepting missile of an incoming rocket serve as an illustration for? 
8. Give an example where the pain and hurt in your relationship were minimized because you forgave someone.